Emiliano Mancilla

Mezza 7   What, how is life working?

It’s been about 2 months since I arrived to this planet, the lack of stress and the unimportant things to do have been playing with my mind for some time. The absence of communication and visibility of my life and environment on earth had helped me to control my anxiety and assume I won’t get the things I want, at least when I want them. 

It seems like I’ll float through existence, I shouldn’t fill my head with dreams but information that could help me fight the adversity of life itself… And I just grew up so romantic. 

Life forms here can get interesting if I try, but in the end I’m just a listener, I just hear the stories and try to put myself in a secondary character, just the fly on the window watching the experience. And I can enjoy it, but in the end, the stories will run out and they will repeat. The oxygen I have left will be spent for its own sake. 

The common sense dictates I must go to my rocket and fly to another planet, but the tank is empty, I owe the money I used to pay the gas from my last journey and most important of all, I don’t know where I want to go. 

At least the demons seem to not be haunting me right now, it’s maybe because I just don’t want to look back to earth, I just don’t want to look back to it  unless I have something to show them, a signal to send saying that I am worthy, I matter.  

But anonymity and blindness fits me… in some way, at least protects me from my constant habit of comparing myself to other people, of stalking my beloved aspirations, of assimilate my value is much less than others. 

I just fear this limbo will suck my life, and the oxygen I have will run out finding me sitting in my place, still, immobile, senseless, vegetative.