Emiliano Mancilla

It’s Easier To Say That God Hates Me

It’s easier to say that god hates me. At least it gives me some relief. 

It’s easier to blame him while I lay down in my empire of misery. Nevertheless, the voices in my head recite their speeches sooner or later. It’s not difficult to remember their questions. 

Every time I lament about how things are not working no matter how much I try, they ask: Are you really trying?

Every time I get mad about how others obtain things because of their name or their contacts, they ask: What have you done to make others care about your name? Isn’t it your fault that you don’t have those contacts?

Every time I wonder if it is because of my skin or my physique, they ask: Why hasn’t that stopped others? Why are other people getting what they want regardless of your shitty excuses?

Every time I get anxious about the possibility of my useless destiny, they ask: didn’t you say you created your own destiny?

Then some conclusions come to my mind, “Maybe I’m not good enough” “Maybe I should face reality”, in the end it is possible that my body and my mind are not capable of fulfilling my fantasies, and the actual question comes to the spotlight. 

How can I kill the fantasies before they kill me? 

2 responses to “It’s Easier To Say That God Hates Me”

  1. TLF Avatar
    TLF

    Hmm thought provoking. That could have been me shouting at the musicians that I was involved in! It’s a very tough business but I wish musos would realise that the world and its significant other is not going to beat a path towards their door.

    Oh and btw the great majority of musicians will fail to make it and have to content themselves with playing local bars for free. Now that’s a reality check!

    When you accept the reality the question you should ask yourself is:

    What can I do to tip the scales in my favour? Even a micro gram on the scales will be a good start.

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    1. Emiliano Mancilla Avatar
      Emiliano Mancilla

      Loved your comment Frank, maybe the question could be “What can I do to put me in a position where I can be benefited by the “fat tails” of existence?
      Totally agree about the micro gram on the scales.

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